Many of us have the definition of a true friend all twisted. We also tend to judge by the quantity of the relationship (how long we’ve known them), over the actual quality of the relationship. Are they really a true friend who cares, or are they a person who pretends to be a friend and can care less? Here are a few warning signs to look out for:
Drama is the only way you can get their attention. In the past, they ignored all your calls when they didn’t need your help. However, now that your friend finds out your boyfriend is cheating on you, or that you’re having conflict with some random person, they answer on the first ring. Not only that, but they help feed the drama. In other words they add fuel to the fire, helping the drama escalate. And boy do they love sitting back and watching the fire burn and destruct you.
A true friend won’t purposely add fuel to the fire; they will try to find ways to help you put that fire out.
Whenever you’re up, they’re down. Lets say that you’ve found “the one,” and they treat you like a total princess, while your “friend” is having a hard time finding someone who will be faithful to them. You got a promotion at your job, while your “friend” is working at a place that they’re unhappy at. You got an A+ on one of your final exams, while your “friend” is failing all their classes.
Whenever you had drama in your life, your “friend” gave you much attention and loved to hear you whine about it. Now that you don’t have anything negative to talk about and you’re roaming in a realm full of happiness, their attitude has changed. When you try to inject your heart to heart conversations with a little positivity, they don’t want to hear it. They either go mysteriously silent, want to change the subject and make the topic of discussion about their negative lives, or get off the phone.
A true friend would want to see you happy, even in the midst of their unhappiness. Rather than thinking, “I’m so depressed and my friend is finding more happiness than I am and it makes me depressed even more,” they would be thinking, “Although I’m depressed about my personal situation, at least one of us is happy.”
They try to keep you from succeeding. Lets say you’re trying to get a business off the ground. Your friend attempts to stop you by telling you that it’s not going to work. You ignore your friend. This business is something that you’ve always wanted to do and you finally bought it to life, despite the ones who matter the most not having faith in you. Although you have small doubts about how great it can possibly become, you continue to move forward in your path of greatness. Somewhere along that path, you run into a road block; that road block being your “friend.” Your friend tells you that your business probably isn’t going to do well and that you need to turn around and look to doing something else.
A true friend will support positive business endeavors, even if they don’t think it will turn out to be something great. Rather than telling you what you can’t do, they will instead ask you what they can do to help you reach your dream.
If your “friend” is trying to keep you from reaching a dream, it’s not a good sign. It more than likely means that they have nothing going for themselves, so they don’t want to see you getting ahead of them. Rather than seeing your relationship as a friendship, they’re seeing it as more of a competition. Negativity is the last thing you need when it comes to trying to reach a goal. Try surrounding yourself with positive friends instead.
They only call when they need or want something. They’re never there when you need them, but you’re always there when they need you. They only call when they need or want something. This can be for random things like a ride to the mall, money for their rent bill, to get bailed out of jail, etc.
When you need them, they’re never there. You never really asked them for their help before, but when you need them the most, they’re not there. You were there with them in the emergency room after they broke their pinkie finger. You put yourself in harm’s way when you tried to break up a verbal domestic dispute between them and their Chris Brown of a partner. You even spent your last dollar on paying their rent bill once.
Then something serious happens on your end. One of your close loved ones passes away. Rather than your “friend” being there, they either purposely try to avoid you, or don’t think your situation is serious enough to pay attention to (despite the fact that this situation surpasses many of theirs balled up into one).
A true friend will simply be there, whether they feel the situation is big or small.
Your lifestyles conflict with one another. Your “friend” likes partying, smoking, drinking, f#@!king, and drama. Although you’re the complete opposite, you overlook those things because they’re your “friend,” and you dwell in their surroundings whenever you’re with them. On the flip side, your “friend” thinks you’re a weirdo for having a different way of living and tears you down every chance they get, despite your living a lifestyle that’s more ideal.
If you’re hanging around a “friend” who does the above things mentioned constantly, in due time, you will suffer the consequences of it. When you find yourself in a situation where a bunch of girls are jumping your drunk “friend” at the club for running their mouth, and you’re having to intervene in order to stop it, you’ll know.
Sure…unconditional love is a nice feature to have, but if your friendship is causing more problems than resolutions, it’s not a healthy relationship and it would probably be best to drop them.
Tags: enemies, friends, friendships
