Much has changed since I’ve written last. First off, I’m trying to become more social. I’m even on the dating scene. Brittany set me up on a blind date with her cousin, Chris. I had never seen his face before meeting him in person. Although I could have looked his profile up on the internet, I wanted to keep guessing for the thrill of it.

While I was waiting for him, my doorbell rang. I wish my door had a peep hole because I opened my door up to a monster. I had to keep myself from saying "WHOA!" out loud. He looked like a distorted Martin Lawrence after he got stung in the cheeks by bees and the smell of his cologne made me nauseous. However, I know that something shouldn’t be knocked unless it’s tried first. Afterall, we might end up having great chemistry.

Wrong. He was really self-centered and talked way too much. I could never get a word into the conversation. It was almost as if I was trying to jump into a game of double dutch, but could never come across a perfect landing. After his first monologue, I stopped listening. All I could remember was him reminiscing about stupid shit that happened in high school and me thinking, "Shut the hell up already!" I desperately needed to get out before I snapped.

Everytime I tried to wander off into another gallery room to think of an escape plan in peace, he’d follow me. I then remembered that my apartment was over an hour away by foot and I didn’t have money for transportation. I had to find a way to pull out of this date without hurting his feelings to the maximum and get him to drive me home.

Making sure that I wasn’t too dramatic, I held onto my head and made a tiny stumble. "Are you ok?" Chris asked with a look of concern.

"I forgot to take my medication before I left and now the side effects from missing a dose is starting to kick in. I really hate when I forget doses because I get the most awful feeling in the world and I can’t think straight." I was lying for the first time in years. "Excuse me for a second," I said as I grabbed onto my mouth and ran to the restroom, acting as if I were about to vomit.

When I left the restroom after taking a break Chris, the aroma of Chris’ crappy cologne smacked me in the face again. This told me that Chris was right around the corner waiting for me. Sure enough, there he was, looking worried. "Lets get you home so that you can take your medication. You have to take your missed dose as soon as you can. I can keep you company until you feel better." Ugh…he still wants to spend the rest of the day with me.

"You can just drop me off. I really don’t want to ruin your day any further by your having to take care of me." I really hoped this statement changed it all.

"Naw, it doesn’t bother me at all, gorgeous. I love spending time with you. As a matter of fact, we can rent some movies on the way to your place."

Apparently, my plan wasn’t working the way that I wanted it to. Everytime I try to steer things in my favor, I’m always pushed back with, "No! I insist!" attitudes and never get my way. This has happened all my life. I wasn’t going to allow it to happen again. This date was just as bad as burning slow in hell and I wanted to get out.

"No! You can’t stay because Sandra comes out at seven!" I said frantically.

"Who the hell is Sandra?" said Chris with a look of confusion.

"Sandra is my other personality. You don’t want to be around her because she’s a serial killer."

Chris leaned his head back and let out the most animated laugh while holding onto his stomach. He didn’t believe me. "You’re hilarious. Now, I have another reason to like you. You’re full of surprises. I thought you were on medication for real until you told me that. Then, I realized that you were joking. You’re good."

Shit! I’m failing miserably at this. Suddenly, I thought about random things that made me cry. I thought about how Fiddler died in Kunta Kinte’s arms in the movie Roots without ever knowing what it was like to be free, when Sarah was separated from her father in A Little Princess due to a war, and how much my life sucks. Then, the tears starting rolling in attempts to give my act some sincerity.

"Look, you have to believe me about Sandra! She’s murdered seven men since she moved here eight months ago. It’s about that time that she kills a ninth victim. Do you know if they ever found the other bodies?" I said as I looked around as if I were being hunted.

"Ok, now you’re starting to creep me out a little bit," said Chris.

"She even tried to slit my wrists while I was sleeping last night. Look at all the other slits she cut into them!" I then pulled up my long sleeves to reveal all the scars from previous cutting sessions. Then something hit me; I must really be crazy to expose the deepest, darkest side of myself just to get out of a harmless date. Even the fact that I had self-induced scars made me sick to my stomach. I felt more exposed than nakedness itself. This fueled my fake tears into real ones, blending them in with my outrageous lies.

Now, I yearned for my blade and I felt so ashamed for wanting it. I felt like an addict. Well, I am an addict.

"Uhhh…lets get you home." He dropped me off and I never heard from him again.

Tags: dating, Suicidal Jasmine

This entry was posted on Sunday, September 20th, 2009 at 5:47 am and is filed under Literature, sep09issue2. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can skip to the end and leave a response. Pinging is currently not allowed.